A Thing For Librarians
by XxBanditQueenxX
Summary: When Edward goes away to hunt, Emmett and Alice convince Bella that Edward has a thing for librarians. They even convince her to dress up for him, in hopes that "Grandpa Edward" will give into temptation. B/E R&R.


A/N: I thought I needed to write a light hearted story after all of the gloom I put into my other stories.

A Thing For Librarians

Edward and I were going to spend the weekend together in Seattle, so he had gone hunting as a precaution. I don't know why he even did it anymore--he had never hurt me and I trusted that he never would. But he didn't trust himself. Only three weeks until the wedding and I couldn't be happier.

He had left a note on my pillow. _"Dearest Bella, My heart is already aching at out separation. I shall return in three moons, but I do not know how to describe how I'll miss you in our time apart. All of my love forever and always, Edward."_

Three days felt like forever to me. I hated our separations, my heart longed for him when he was not near. I sat in his room, looking out of the window and moping at his absence. I had reread his letter so many times that the paper was soft, the ink worn.

Alice interrupted my quiet time and barged into Edward's room, followed by Emmett and Jasper. She wrinkled her nose at Edward's room. "Ugh, he decorates like a grandpa."

I glared at her. "I like his taste."

"I don't know how you could possibly fall for a man who acts like he's a one hundred and seven year old virgin," she said casually.

"And just think, we always thought he was so quiet and virginal because he was gay," Emmett said, pulling a cd off the shelf and wrinkling his nose when he saw it was Debussy. "Just like an old man. I didn't know you had a thing for strict old grandfathers, Bella."

"He is not a grandfather, Emmett. Not even close."

"Oh please," Jasper rolled his eyes, "We've heard him stop your advancements on more than one occasion."

I blushed at this, silently cursing their immaculate vampire hearing. Emmett nodded in agreement. "He really is a prude."

"One hundred and seven and never even made it to second base. Are we positive he's not gay and in denial?" Jasper asked.

"He can't be. Don't you remember the picture we found under his couch cushion?" Emmett asked.

My ears perked up for this. "What picture?" I asked.

"Oh, it was before your time. It wouldn't interest you," Emmett said, knowing full well I was going to nag him.

"What picture?" I demanded again.

Emmett moved his hands up and down in front of him in a "calm down" kind of way. "Cool it, don't get your undies in a twist."

"Emmett," I warned, letting him know I was getting angry.

"Maybe you shouldn't tell her, Em. It might freak her out," Jasper said, and I could have sworn he was sending extra waves of curiosity my way.

"What? Tell me what? What picture?" I practically screamed.

"Well," Jasper looked down at the floor and shook his head slowly. "We once found a picture under Edward's cushion."

"Of what?"

"A little librarian. In a very compromising pose," Emmett said, looking disappointed at his brother.

"A--"

"Librarian? Yes."

I narrowed my eyes at them and then laughed. Emmett looked shocked and confused by my laughter. "What is so funny, Bella?" he asked.

"You're yanking my chain, right. Pick on Bella while Edward's away, right?" I asked.

I looked between the three of them, all of whom looked serious. "Why would I lie to you, Bella?" Emmett asked innocently, putting a hand over his heart and feigning hurt. "Alice tell her it's true."

I looked at Alice, hoping she would say "April Fools!" But Alice only pursed her lips and said, "Afraid so."

I lifted my lips in a sneer of disgust. "That's gross."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Don't you see, Bella? That's what kind of girl he wants."

"A librarian?" I asked, horror clouding my tone.

"Well, not a real one, silly girl. A make believe one," she replied.

I looked at her and the pieces began to come together in my head. She meant role playing. I quirked an eyebrow and she grinned. "Think about it, Bella. He would be so overcome with lust he wouldn't be able to reject you."

"You'd be playing out his fantasy," Emmett said, smiling. "And everyone knows Edward needs to fulfill those fantasies or he's going to explode."

"Ew, Emmett!"

"It's the truth. Think about it, Bella," Emmett said, pulling Jasper out of the room with him.

"He's right, you know. The question is not whether Edward is a perv. The question is more like…how badly do you want Edward to give into your requests?" she said.

I looked at her and she shrugged. I did want Edward to give into my requests. But not when I'm dressed up in a nerdy outfit and role playing. Damn him and his wanting to protect my virtue.

"What would I have to do?" I asked her warily.

She grinned widely. "Excellent. We need to go shopping."

I groaned. This plan sucked all ready. "For what?"

"Well you don't honestly think I dress like a librarian, do you?" she asked.

"Of course not," I said sarcastically and she smiled.

Alice grabbed my hands and her keys and dragged me to her car. When we arrived at the mall (which was pitiful, really. Forks should be ashamed), Alice had to practically carry me kicking and screaming to every store. I mean, what does a librarian wear anyway? Big glasses, ugly cardigans, and runny hose? How was that going to be hot?

Alice finally dragged me to the last department store, completely against my will, and to the skirt aisle. She grabbed a thin skirt and said, "Aha! Perfect. Go try this on."

I sauntered over to the dressing room and pulled the skirt on. It hugged my legs constrictively. I opened the door to show Alice and she squealed. She literally squealed. "It's amazing!"

I wrinkled my nose. "It's too tight around the legs."

"It's a pencil skirt, silly. Of course it's tight around the legs. Put this on with it," she handed me a cream colored silk button down.

I tried it on and sighed. She frowned. "You need to tuck it in, Bella."

I shoved the shirt into the skirt and Alice straightened it. "There. I really like the way the tan of the skirt and cream of the shirt work together," she said, patting my butt once. "Snug fit, too."

My eye were wide and she laughed. "Get dressed. We've got to get you some shoes."

I rolled my eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day and brought the clothes back out. I handed them to Alice and said, "Let's go. This is embarrassing."

"What is so embarrassing about role playing for your boyfriend? Jasper and I do it all the time," she said, and to my mortification, a passing old lady looked at us as though we were highly scandalous.

"Alice! Sshh!"

She waved my shushing off and laughed. "Poor little Bella. So inexperienced in the ways of men."

I blushed and she laughed once more. I wanted to put my hands around her little pixie neck when she looped her arm through mine and said, "We need shoes to match this amazing outfit."

I groaned once more and she pulled me into a shoe store that held shoes that cost more than my truck was worth. "Alice these are too expensive."

"Nonsense. How about these?" she held up a tan pump the same color as the skirt I had got.

"They're ugly."

She laughed musically. "Silly girl. They're vintage. They say 'I'm conservative and studious, but I've got a sexy, wild side'" to match the role you'll take on."

I wrinkled my nose at them once more and Alice called the worker over. "We'll need these in a seven, if you don't mind."

The worker, stunned by Alice's ability to dazzle men with the infamous ocher eyes, stuttered "O-okay. R-right back, miss."

He came back a few minutes later and handed the shoes to Alice and she patted his cheek. "Thank you. So helpful."

He grinned and shrugged and Alice handed me the shoes. I put them on and found that they weren't too tall and it wasn't too terrifying to walk in them. Alice noticed this as well. "Excellent. We'll take them."

The worker nodded and slipped the shoes into the box as Alice slid her purse off her arm and went to the counter. She gave him her card and smiled at me. "Edward is going to be knocked off his feet by you."

I looked down self-consciously. "I hope you're right and I don't make myself look like a fool."

She laughed. "I happen to know that there will be two very satisfied non-virgins in the house by Thursday morning."

I didn't doubt her psychic abilities so I smiled and we went to the car. "Now, when you go into his room try not to be nervous. Try to be ultra sexy and alluring. If he tries to touch you, reject his advancements. Tease him. Make him _yearn_ for you."

I nodded and she gave me pointers all the way back to the Cullen house.

Three evenings later, we were sitting in Alice's bathroom as she did my make up and hair. "How much longer do we have, Alice?"

She was silent for a moment while she checked his future. "Thirty minutes and counting."

She was applying light eyeshadow, peach colored. I had a permanent frown on my face--I hated getting all dressed up, with make up and whatnot, and this was just an embarrassing time to be getting done up. Alice was whistling a merry tune, the tune of my downfall, I was sure.

"She stared at my head. "What to do with the hair?"

I quirked an eyebrow as a light in her head clicked and she rushed into her room, only to return before I realized she was gone, a pencil in her hand. She stuck the pencil in my hair and spun at vampire speed until my hair was held into a tight bun by the sharpened pencil. "Amazing, Alice," I commented.

She shrugged. "I know. I'm good. But here, let's give you a few curls."

She pulled the loose strands of hair around my face that refused to be tied back into a curling iron one at a time. When she was done, I had a few loose tendrils hanging by my face in curls. "Put the shoes on, Bella, she said as she smoothed all of the hairs around the bun so that t hey were perfect. I put the shoes on slowly and she smiled as I stood. "You little seductress. Emmett, Jasper, come see what I've done to her!"

Emmett and Jasper were at the door when I turned around. "How do I look?" I asked nervously.

Jasper went with the subtle, "Very nice, Bella."

Emmett, however was not so subtle. He let out a low whistle. "Like every one-hundred-and-seven-year-old-virgin's wet dream."

I have him a horrified look and he laughed. Alice looked at me. "It's missing something," she said, staring intensely as she tapped her chin.

"Perhaps a book? He is a librarian after all," Jasper mentioned.

Alice leaned up to kiss him. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around so long. You're brilliant!"

She grabbed my hand and rushed me to the library one floor below. I looked at the many volumes and ancient bound books. "We need the most boring looking one," she said.

I grabbed the thickest one nearest me. "How about _War and Peace_?" I asked.

"Excellent. Hold it up in front of you like this," she held it in front of herself, against her chest with the title facing out.

I mocked her and she squealed before her face grew serious. "Get upstairs! He's coming up the drive right now!"

She pushed me toward the staircase. "Go!"

"But I thought you said you wanted me to walk in on him!" I argued, walking up the stars with her pushing me from behind.

"Well…we weren't exactly truthful when we told you about the picture," she said quickly.

"What do you mean, you weren't truthful?" I asked as we got in front of his door.

"Well…it was an antique book magazine. The librarian was on an advertisement for some shelves Edward wanted to buy for his room."

I looked at her, anger and sheer embarrassment flooding my body. "Alice, what am I doing in this then?" I asked, full on freaking out now.

She shrugged apologetically. "It was Emmett's idea. Just get in here. Edward's coming up the stairs now!"

She pushed me into his room, where I backed into the middle of the room, panicked. I looked around for a place to hide. It was no use, Edward would be able to smell me, hear my heart beating erratically. I could always jump out of the window. Then, of course, I risked breaking bones. There was no where to go, his doorknob was turning now.

I clutched the copy of _War and Peace _in front of me as he opened the door. My face was so heated, I thought it would explode with all of the blood flooding it as he stepped into the room. He saw me and raised a questioning eyebrow, an amused look crossing his features. "What are you wearing, Bella?" he asked, confused but grinning.

I could hear my heart beat in my ears and I looked desperately at the window. It wasn't too late to throw myself out of it now. Edward closed his door behind him and crossed the few steps to reach me. He put his hand on my hip and with the other grabbed the book that I was clutching onto for dear life. " I never took you for a _War and Peace _kind of girl."

"I-I-" I wanted to die. And kill Emmett.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" he asked, tossing the book onto his bed behind us.

I shook my head vigorously. "Nope!"

Edward narrowed his eyes. "Why is everyone blocking their minds?"

I shook my head again. "It was a misunderstanding."

Edward raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Well, I must say, this is quite the satisfying misunderstanding," he said, walking around my and talking in every inch of my appearance.

I blushed even more, if possible and looked at the ground, unable to face him. He began to nuzzle my neck. "Really? Why the skirt, Bella?" he asked between kisses.

"Alice and Emmett--"

He pulled away and looked at me. "What did they do to you?" he asked, over protectively.

"Nothing but humiliated me completely," I said.

He put a finger under my chin. "What's this all about, Bella?" he asked me for what felt like the billionth time.

"They thought it would be funny to convince me you liked…librarians…"

He furrowed his brow and as understanding hit him he busted out laughing. "Oh!"

I pulled away from him and turned around, focusing my gaze on the gold carpeting. "It's not funny, Edward."

I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. He kissed below my ear and then rested his chin on my shoulder. "You know…I don't have a thing for librarians…but you look absolutely tantalizing in that skirt, Bella."

I laughed. "I feel like an idiot."

"Eh, don't worry about it. Emmett and Alice are pure evil."

I sighed and he turned me around. "I'd be highly entertained if you'd still like to play out this little fantasy for me," he said sweetly.

"Well…I don't think it appropriate anymore. The mood is kind of dead."

He grinned. "Who said the mood was dead? The sight of you in that skirt is only making my self control that much more impossible to retain."

I laughed. "That was the whole point of this. To get you to let go of your inhibitions and give in to what you _feel_," I said.

He furrowed his brow in thought before he said, "Is it really that important to you, Bella? Do you really want to risk your soul anymore, to be with me."

I looked over his shoulder, avoiding his eyes and nodded. I heard him make a clicking noise with his tongue ad he grabbed my hand. "All right then. If it means that much to you…to make you listen to my idiotic siblings and risk utter humiliation, we'll try ."

I glared at him and he laughed before saying, "Well, Miss Librarian. Let's see you in action."

Edward motioned toward the middle of the room and leaned back on his hands, an amused look on his troubled face. I felt sick. "I can't do this. The things Alice told me to do are…absurd."

He laughed. "Sounds like my sister. What exactly did she tell you to do?" he asked.

"Strip while saying things like, 'Mister Cullen, your copy of _War and Peace_ is way overdue.'"

He gulped and then laughed nervously. "Is that all?" he asked coolly.

"She wanted me to spank you with a ruler and tell you to quiet down in the library."

He looked disturbed and intrigued. "Well…we don't need to do anything that drastic tonight."

"Thank God."

He stood up and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me harder and more passionately than he ever had. He pulled my shirt out of the skirt and I felt his ice cold fingers brush my lower back. I shook my head and pushed him away lightly. He looked immensely confused and I smiled at him, pushing him until he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

I turned around and unzipped my skirt, making sure my shirt was concealing my bottom half as I pulled it down and kicked it away. I heard Edward's breath hitch and I closed my eyes, biting my bottom lip anxiously. I unbuttoned my shirt slowly, trying not to focus on what we were about to do, or the fact that I was about to be fully exposed to a vampiric god.

I closed my shirt and held it tightly in place with my crossed arms and turned around to face him. His eyes had glazed over and he was still leaning back on his hands. There was a hunger in his eyes, not one to frighten my, but one to make butterflies flap insanely in my stomach. I looked at him timidly and then averted my eyes. He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him.

He pulled me to stand between his legs and looked up at my face, flushed with complete embarrassment. He unclenched my folded arms and placed my hands on his shoulders. I could see him contemplating what we were doing, and then uncertainty in his eyes.

He touched the sides of my shirt looking up at my eyes to check that what he was doing was acceptable. I nodded once and he pulled the two sides apart, focusing on the shirt as he slipped it over my shoulders and down my arms. Alice had convinced me that no bra was the right way to go, so I instinctively put an arm over myself to hide what little breasts I had.

Edward's eyes dragged up from where he tossed my shirt and up to my arm in front of me. He touched my arms and, looking at my eyes, pulled it away from me and placed the hand back on his shoulder. His eyes went ever so slowly down my face, neck, collarbone, to rest on my chest for a moment before he looked back up at me.

I became fully aware that I was standing in front of him in nothing but a thin pair of cotton underwear and he exhaled, his breath tickling my bare skin. "Absolutely stunning," he said, placing his hands on my hips.

My insecurities began to melt away as he plled my face down to his, allwoing his hands to roam freely.

**APOV**

"Looks like our dear Eddie, just got his masculine cherry popped. Goodbye Grandfather Time, hello beastly seventeen year old horndog," Emmett said.

I laughed and high fived him.

O.O.O.O.O

All right. A nice little story. No actual lemon, so sorry. But I didn't want to actually have one when it got time for it.

As of right now, this is a one shot only.

Please review, everyone! Reviews 'spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby.'


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